I first learned to be a Quaker at a large, active Meeting in Washington, D.C. With 100 people or more in Silent Worship, things sometimes got interesting. To deal with the occasional inappropriate behavior, the Meeting was led by a group of five or six appointed Elders who sat on a facing bench to the side of everyone else. If someone misbehaved in Worship, which I witnessed one day, the Elders stood up together in silent protest. Seeing that, everyone else in the room stood up. The person creating the problem either stopped and/or left the room. Everyone sat down and the Silence resumed. Not a word was spoken.
I was impressed, but also concerned. Who were these Elders, and what was their role? From the very start, the Religious Society of Friends rejected the idea of clergy, believing instead that everyone in the Meeting was equal in their power to share “ministry” by speaking in Worship. Without clergy, however, Quaker Meetings soon found they had to lean on the authority of more experienced members and attenders to lead by example and hold the Meeting together. Enter the Quaker Elders.
Down through the centuries, the Quaker tradition of Eldering has waxed and waned, and every Meeting has their own approach. Some Meetings appoint people as Elders; other Meetings, such as Reno Friends, don’t appoint Elders, nor do they talk much about them. But when there are problems in the Meeting, seasoned “weighty” Quakers usually step forward to provide guidance and stability. All of which raises the question, what role might Elders have in a Quaker Meeting?
This issue surfaced recently for Reno Friends when our Yearly Meeting, known as Pacific Yearly Meeting, asked us what we thought about eldering. Pacific Yearly Meeting is rewriting Faith and Practice, our shared Quaker guidebook, and wanted guidance on whether the revised Faith and Practice should include information on Quaker Eldering. Eldering was dropped from Faith and Practice several decades ago, but some Meetings recommended it be re-instated.
Reno Friends put together a task force to think about the role of Eldering and came up with the following advice for Pacific Yearly Meeting:
- We believe that Eldering should not be age or gender specific; indeed, sometimes younger people are the wise ones;
- We are more comfortable with the term “Eldering” used as a verb rather than used as an identity. Maybe “mentoring” or “guiding” are better terms than “Eldering.”
- We do not support the appointing of Elders, as we do not want to create a separate, elevated class of people in the Meeting who might be perceived as more special than anyone else.
- We are especially uncomfortable with the idea of appointing or enabling Elders who seem inclined to step forward as spiritual guides or ministers to others in the Meeting.
- If someone in the Meeting takes on an Eldering role, it should be done with spirit-led wisdom consisting of: deep listening, open inquiry, and the willingness to be transformed by what he/she/they hear and witness in response. It should all be done in a context of spiritual discernment.
In a small community of people who care for and support one another, Eldering is up to all of us, given appropriate times and circumstances. As a mom and grandmother, I’ve learned the hard lesson that my advice is not always wanted. When I find myself longing to share advice with someone, I try to remember to ask first to make sure the other person is receptive. Then I focus on thoughtful guidance I can offer with compassion and kindness. That usually works better.
By Wendy Swallow, Blog Editor, Reno Friends Meeting
The opinions expressed above are not necessarily those of Reno Friends Meeting.