Quaker Practice

Thanksgiving and Family

More than any other holiday, Thanksgiving seems to be about gathering your community, bringing family and friends together to share gifts of food and affection.  It can be a chance to introduce a new girl- or boyfriend to the tribe, or reach out and include the lonely neighbor from down the street.  It can offer precious moments with an aging grandparent or a goofy game of Hearts with cousins you haven’t seen in years.

Though often full of love and laughter, these gatherings can also be trying.  Dueling food preferences can drive the cook crazy, teens may disappear into their cellphones, and some will weasel out of their share of the cleanup.  It can be enough to make one want to spend the holiday in quiet retreat.

Parker Palmer, an author, educator and Quaker, suggests that the challenges we face gathering our communities together are more important than the pleasures.  “Friends are most in the Spirit when they stand at the crossing point of the inward and outward life. And that is the intersection at which we find community. Community is a place where the connections felt in the heart make themselves known in bonds between people, and where tuggings and pullings of those bonds keep opening up our hearts.”

Living the Quaker testimonies often means having your heart tugged and pulled, but that’s how our hearts get bigger.  Surrounded by my sometimes annoying, sometimes wonderful family members, I try to remember that each is a child of God, that humanity can be messy.  When someone pushes one of my buttons, I seek to pause, taking a few breaths and summoning my compassion before responding.  Perhaps he or she is also struggling with the intersection of the inward and outward life.

Fortunately, Thanksgiving is also a time to be grateful for all that blesses us.  Scientists who study happiness say that a daily habit of gratitude – listing the things you’re grateful for – can go a long way toward improving one’s mood.  No matter how frazzled I feel when it’s time to say grace, it’s always the circle of hands that I’m most grateful for.

Wendy Swallow, Clerk of Reno Friends Meeting

 email: wswallow54 (at)

The opinions expressed above are not necessarily those of Reno Friends Meeting.